The Chronology of Your Innermost Thoughts during a Teeth Cleaning

Forget about the awkward magazine perusal in the waiting room, the threat from potential cavities, or the impending doom of root canals and extractions–the most uncomfortable moments at the dentist office will be spent tilted back in the dental hygienist’s chair getting your teeth cleaned. The half hour intervals you pass lying prone with a stranger’s (hopefully gloved) hands in your mouth will be some of the most vulnerable moments of your life. In my experience, your innermost thoughts during a routine teeth cleaning generally follow this pathetic chronology…

Before your teeth cleaning: I wonder if the dental hygienist will be able to tell the last time I flossed prior to right before this appointment was about two months ago when I got piece of apple skin lodged between two of my molars…

The Always Blonde Dental Hygienist: We’re ready for you now! Come on back.

I don’t think I’ve…