Things We’re Really Thankful For (But Won’t Admit To)

Now that Thanksgiving is over, I boldly take on the topic of things we are truly thankful for, but rarely admit to in public.  Yes, I will be speaking for all of us.  Don’t try to pretend that you don’t secretly harbor these thoughts.  Your facade of PBS viewing superiority is about to to be revealed.  Don’t fight it.  Embrace your true feelings.  Welcome the liberation.

That said, speaking on behalf of all of you, I am thankful for

…elastic waist bands

…cosmetics

…caller ID

…alcohol

…teachers who get the difference between an elective class and a core class

…the Forever Lazy (don’t have one, yet, but think it’s prettttty awesome)

…people who don’t roll their eyes when they’re behind you in line at the store and your credit card gets declined

…Egyptian Cotton- fragranced linen spray

…Press-On Nails

…store-bought rotissiere chicken

…short masses (you Catholics know what I’m talkin’ about)

…The Real Housewives of Orange County, Beverly Hills and sometimes New York

…Quentin Tarantino movies

…alcohol

…White Castle crave case

…generic brands

…Stephen King books

… and, finally, I am thankful that the Iowa Hawkeye football season has, mercifully, come to an end.