Tag Archives: coupons

Five’ll Get Ya Ten…Whether Ya’ Want It Or Not


I hate coupons. I hate when I strategically choose a checkout line based on a carefully formed algorithm I’ve devised: number of people in said line, approximate number of item in carts, the gender of said shoppers (sorry, women take longer), and the checkout clerk on duty, only to find myself  behind someone sifting through her (yes, her) neatly sorted organizer. And this display always occurs after I’ve emptied my cart and several people are behind me in line. At this point, I come to the crushing realization that I’ve been deceived and am now trapped. Kill me now. Why? Because what will unfold next is as predictable as a made-for-TV movie. After a relentless search for one or more coupons for each item on the belt, there is ALWAYS an issue with one (or more) leading to an insistence on the part of the customer that, YES, this coupon IS good for .25 off the purchase of four Suave deodorants on top of the posted sale sign on the shelf and the helpless clerk responding that, sorry, it did not ring up at that sale price, all the while thinking “I hate my job.” This leads to the clerk sending out an SOS to anyone within earshot to please go check the deodorant shelf for confirmation. Slow motion the next five minutes (because apparently, I’m the only one who is ever in a hurry), the messenger returns with the sign clearly stating the sale was, in fact, for Secret deodorant. The indignant customer then accuses the store of deceptive marketing because the Suave and Secret deodorants are neighbors on the shelf and bear a remarkable resemblance, and as a result, the sale price should be honored on the grounds of pain and suffering she endured during the whole checking-out ordeal. Time to cue the manager and for me to roll my eyes, heave a huge sigh and play Candy Crush on my phone in a feeble attempt to keep my composure.

Who are the real victims here? That’s right: me and all the other poor schnooks who were tricked into thinking this would be a quick in and out trip to the store. Finally, my moment has arrived. After ringing up my items, the clerk asks the inevitable question: “Do you have any coupons? Would you like to become a member of our Savings Club? You could save 20% off your first purchase and receive offers for huge savings throughout the year.” NO! NO! I do NOT want to save money. I just want to pay a lot more for my stuff and get the hell out of here. That’s when I see the look of gratitude on the clerk’s face and my suffering line-mates. Their eyes say it all. Thank you. Thank you. I nod back in a show of solidarity and a silent encouragement that they, too, will get through this.

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I’m Stuck In An AOL Time Warp And I Don’t Care!

YES!  I admit it…I still have an AOL email address.  I get.  I’m a loser.  Now, leave me alone and stop snickering when I’m asked for it from various stores.  I’m usually torn about giving it.  In fact, way back when, I used to think, “No way am I giving you my personal, private email address.”  But, then I realized that, by refusing that method of communication, I was telling them I’d prefer to talk to them on the phone.  I figured out fast enough that was NOT what I preferred.  Plus, when stores ask for my email, it’s so I can get coupons and discounts.  Print them out at home.  At my leisure.  I’ve never been one to clip coupons from the newspaper.  Not because I haven’t tried.  But, it became so much work and I never had them with me when I needed them.  And, I’m pretty sure the rare times I remembered to bring them,  I could hear every person in line behind me sighing as I’d open my handy coupon holder to extract necessary clipped savings, only to be told that the item I plucked from the shelf was not the right size or brand or, showing me the small print, that I needed to buy six of them to get the seventh half-off. 

What I do like, though, is extra savings to be had from stores like Kohl’s, JC Penney, Barnes and Noble, Harry and David, Famous Footwear, etc.  So, yes, when asked, I quietly whisper my lame AOL email address.  I whisper, not because I care about the looks of disdain from the cool high school/college aged cashiers, but because my kids are horrified that I would just blurt it out without any care to their emotional well-being.   I mean, there may be people they know lurking about.  They have begged me for years to get a g-mail account.  To get with the times.  It’s not the nineties anymore, for God’s sake.  “I’ll set it up for you, Mom.  It’s easy.  It doesn’t cost anything.  Can’t you ever think of anyone besides yourself?”   But, I feel like I everyone I know has my AOL address (and as far as I know, have not “unfriended” me on Facebook or shunned me in public).  It just seems like such a hassle to change it.  And, besides, I have a feeling that AOL will make a comeback.   And THEN who will be the cool one, hmmmm??  I can see their eyes rolling.


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