Position Available For People With A Sense Of Humor…Sensitive Types Need Not Apply

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A sense of humor is a terrible thing to waste, which is why I am taking this opportunity to publicly announce my new New Years Resolution (stop judging) to surround myself with people who can appreciate a good joke. I’m not talking about practical jokes. I’ve never been a fan of those. No, I’m talking about dry humor. We, here at BWB, believe there is direct correlation between a person’s ability to understand dry wit and their intelligence level. Nothing screams I HATE YOU more than deftly dropping a remark so dry it threatens evaporation only to be completely missed by the intended recipient (thus evaporating) or worse, is met with a serious look of concern. What the world hears me saying, at this point is, “I was kidding…It was a joke…”  What I’m thinking is “OMG I hate you. Remind me to NEVER talk to you again.” What a waste of a perfectly dead-panned moment. Continue reading

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Spring Fakeout…Or Why I Hate Daylight Savings

funny sleepy face baby pic

This morning , as I was trying to talk myself into getting out of bed amid my  Daylight Savings darkened room, I was reminded again how much I dislike this rite of passage into Spring. What follows is a blog I wrote back in March 2013. The only reason I mention the date is because of a reference to the winter we endured a year ago as not being so bad. No matter where you live in this country, you felt the frigid effects of that seemingly never-ending winter. So now that I’ve cleared that up, read on and see if you agree with me that Daylight Saving is just plain awful…

Daylight savings time is here again. The dreaded calendar date loudly announcing our shared loss of one hour of sleep.  As one who absolutely detests winter, I know I should welcome this moment enthusiastically, as it heralds the return of spring and summer. But, I question the whole one hour of lost sleep. I know logically, that’s the way it works, But, since logic and I have never been on very friendly terms, I contend that we actually lose about two weeks of sleep. Am I alone in this assertion? And, when I say two weeks, I don’t mean that April suddenly is here, with crocuses peeking through what is left of the snow, mistakenly believing Spring has  arrived. Oh no, we still have to endure March, which is the loooongest month of the year. I know, technically, it’s 31 days, but, it feels like about, maybe 52 days. That’s because, even though, mentally (and meteorlogically) spring arrives on March 1st, I’m convinced that’s just a ploy to get our collective minds off of the depressing winter which refuses to go away and on to sunnier thoughts.

The truth we Chicagoans, and all Midwesterners, know is that we are far from the danger-zone of snow storms. I can already hear many of you shrieking at your computer screens as you read this, “Hey, this winter wasn’t bad at all and last winter hardly existed.” Yes, I can feel the hate just oozing as you outdoorsy types derisively call me a wimp.  “Stop your crabbing and get out already and enjoy the beautiful winter wonderland.” To you, I say, “Oh shut-up and leave me alone, all nice and warm under my cuddly blanket.”

So, with Daylight Saving Time here, I suppose I should rejoice, and, fret not…I will (was anyone fretting?)  It will just take me a couple of weeks to re-adjust to the return of dark mornings, even though only temporary, I know, and brighter, longer evenings. So, to my comrades in hibernation, allow me to raise a glass to the return of sun and warmth. After I emerge from winter dormancy under my comfy blanky. Winter, be gone.  Welcome back, Spring.     🙂

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Post-Oscar Rants And My Advice To Future Nominees

82nd Annual Academy Awards - "Meet The Oscars" New YorkAhhh, the day after the Academy Awards. It’s a day spent reliving the moments of the prior evening. A day to indulge our superiority by loudly voicing unsolicited opinions (my favorite kind) about everything from the often unfortunate choices of Oscar formal wear during the insufferable red-carpet interviews to our views on the caliber of hosting performed during the show (um…awesome? Just wish we could have seen more of Seth).

It’s a day spent in either utter indignation over the venerated trophy being awarded to some undeserving actor/movie/hack or vindication that, YES, Argo won. Good for Ben Affleck. And, as always, exercising the enormous amount of self-discipline required to keep ourselves (or is it just me?) from dry heaving at the Academy’s inevitable love affair with certain films that defy rational thought. Continue reading

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“The hell with the rules. If it looks right, then it is”…Or Why I Suddenly Like Eddie Van Halen

MLA picSo, what I want to know is: when did the rule change? I am referring, of course, to the change in the rule concerning how many entered spaces is proper after a period. Of course, that’s what I’m referring to. I don’t know what you thought I was referring to. Just go with me on this, okay? I know I’m pretty old-school when it comes to some (okay, probably a lot of) things, but I do remember being taught, admittedly a few decades ago, that after a sentence, or any period for that matter (colon, for example) two spaces must be entered. Two abutting sentences must never come in such close proximity as one space, or God forbid, no space. This was firmly embedded in my teenaged brain back in the days of typewriters. Being a product of Catholic schools my entire life (well, except I was a Public for kindergarten), this was an unquestioned canon pretty much right next to the Ten Commandments as far as important rules to follow.  So, naturally, when my kids would, in a fit of exasperation, beg me to STOP using two spaces in between sentences, that it wasn’t necessary, I paid no heed to their unfortunate ignorance, while simultaneously regretting the gobs of money obviously wasted on their collective educations. Continue reading

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Have Stick Bag…Will Travel

MjAxMi0yNDdhODY2MDczNjNjZDc5Here we go again…in a few short hours, Mary Kate will begin her odyssey. Today marks her first music audition. Every weekend throughout the month of February, will find her performing her awesome skills before heads of departments at various universities.

We’ve learned a thing or two after having gone through this process a few years ago with her brother. At least now, we know what to expect. Mary Kate has  had the opportunity to meet and have lessons with almost all of the professors for whom she will audition. We didn’t do that with Peter, mainly because we were too dumb to know that we should. Or that that was even a “thing.” Pete was really on his own, and, fortunately,  had the chops to prove himself. But, it sure would have been nice to have a little advance coaching to prepare him (and Mom and Dad) for the whole audition process.

So, MK has been able to benefit from Peter’s baptism by fire. I know she’s nervous. Who wouldn’t be? But, she is a very talented percussionist and hopefully, the powers that be will recognize the gem standing before them in her cute skirt, new scarf and totally cool boots.  Auditions are scheduled after a student has already been admitted into the university itself. They determine whether or not she will then be admitted into the music schools within the universities.

So, wish us (yes – us) luck. I know she’ll be great, and I’m going to try to control the urge to psych out the other candidates vying for the coveted 4-5 openings. But, I gotta’ say, I’m not making any promises in that department. I am, however, bringing my rosary… Good luck MK!!! I know you’ll rock 🙂

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If you’ve ever really listened to the terrifying side effects of commonly prescribed drugs, you have to read this – hilarious!

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Sweet Home Chicago

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YEP, THAT’S RIGHT.  I WAS RAISED IN THE BEST CITY IN THE WORLD – SWEET HOME CHICAGO

SOUTH SIDE IRISH THROUGH AND THROUGH! 

 Just felt like sayin’ that.  I’ll go back to what I was doing and leave you alone now…

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Just Breathe…

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My mom, like many women, battled breast cancer.  And, like many women, won that battle.  Several years after her victory, though, a malignant lesion was discovered on her lung.  Our first thought was that the breast cancer had reared its ugly head for a  rematch.  When a biopsy determined that the cancerous cells actually originated in the lungs, the diagnosis was one that shocked the entire family:  lung cancer.  Stage IV lung cancer.  My mom had never smoked a cigarette in her life.  She had never been exposed to second-hand smoke, as neither her parents nor my father ever smoked.  In fact, she detested being around smoke.  She was one of the statistics you hear about.

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A Guide To Reality TV For The Discerning Viewer…

honey-boo-boo-finagly-1030-600x558[1]Well, June, I’m not about all them big fenagly words, either.  In fact, I hate big fenalgy words.  I hate big, fenagly people, too. Although, I’ve found that I’m quite fond of commas.  Interesting, I know, but, not my point.  Anyway, back to the fenagly words.  By the way, in writing this post, I questioned whether that is actually the correct spelling of the word “fenagly”, but I couldn’t find it in the dictionary, so I’m just going with it.  Anyway,  in the spirit of the new year, I’ve decided to come clean with a confession :  I’m hooked on reality TV.  Wow, that felt so good.  Now, before you go gettin’ all fenagly on me, let me just say that I am discriminating in my voyeuristic drug of choice.   Okay, that was kind of a fenagly word. Continue reading

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Dream A Little Dream…

thCABEB98MHmmm….where to begin… First of all, let me wish all of my BWB friends a Happy New Year.  Now, on to the important matters of, umm, me.  Yes, I’ve been giving the year 2013 a lot of thought and, basically, here’s the deal:  I’ve already decided that it’s gonna’ be a good one.  Mike will make his first million in the world of high finance, prompting him to turn his good fortune into a better fortune by producing Brian’s first blockbuster film, which will be the buzz of Hollywood with Oscar talk for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Writing (Best Screen Play?  I’m not sure what that one’s called.  I’m still learning, so cut me some slack) and, of course, (Pete, I haven’t forgotten you), Best Film Score.  Little sister, Mary Kate, will be proudly standing by her brothers as an assistant something or other.  Kidding, MK.  Everyone knows you’re already being projected to be a better musician than that other kid in the family, so, of course, you’ll be probably still an assistant something because, well, let’s be realistic, you’re only eighteen years old.   Let’s graduate high school first.  I mean, come on.  Anyway, back to me.  My children have been carefully groomed in the art of a great acceptance speech by Yours Truly: keep it short and sweet and, whatever you do, do NOT forget to thank Mom and Dad. 

So, there you have it:  my 2013 in a nutshell.  Not bad, really.  I mean, it could happen.  Mike does work in the world of finance.  Brian is getting his Master’s degree in digital film/screen directing.  Pete is an accomplished musician, loves composition and has collaborated with Brian during the early film years and Mary Kate is eighteen years old. 

It’s fun to dream, anyway.  And that’s what the New Year represents to us all, doesn’t it?  Dreams.  A new slate.  New possibilities.  Ooohhh, and a new dress for the after-Oscar parties.  I should probably start looking now.  Maybe once I get my balances down at Carson’s or Von Maur, that is…

P.S. May all of your wildest dreams come true

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