Tag Archives: wine

I Feel Like A Woman…Well, Sort Of…

Woman Crying picOver the years, I’ve often wondered if, perhaps, somewhere in the dark recesses of my chromosomal make-up, I might be harboring an extra Y marker. I say this because I’ve never been the mom who gets weepy on the first day of kindergarten,  high school, college or graduations from said institutions. In fact, when my youngest was headed for all-day kindergarten, I could barely control my euphoria. Move-in day to college has never been an occasion for multiple boxes of Kleenex.  Is there something wrong with me?

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You Might Be From Chicago If…

Chicago-skyline nightI wish I could take credit for this, but, truth is, I saw it on Facebook and just had to share it on my blog. It is SO true! Parentheses following some of these are my own comments.

You Might Be From Chicago If:

1. The ‘living room’ is called the ‘front room’.  (Or, as we always said, Frunchroom)
2. You don’t pronounce the ‘s’ at the end of Illinois and, you become irate at people who do.
3. You measure distance in minutes (especially ‘from the city’) and you swear everything is pretty much 1/2 hour away.
4. You have no problem spelling or pronouncing Des Plaines
5. You go to visit friends, or family, down south and laugh when they complain about the traffic.
6. You understand that no person from Chicago can be a Cub fan AND a White Sox fan.
7. It’s ‘Kitty corner’ not ‘Katty corner’.
8. You know the difference between The Loop and Downtown.
9. You eat your pizza in squares, not triangles, and you never refer to it as ‘pie.’
10. You own celery salt. (I do..didn’t think that was a Chicago thing…)
11. You understand that the primary is the official local election. (Is there another election?)
12. You have drunk green beer on St. Paddy’s Day.
13. Stores don’t have sacks, they have bags.
14. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: ‘Where’s my coat at?’ or ‘Can I go with?’ My English teacher had fits with this one.
15. Your idea of a great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun, ‘everything’ is on it and a slice of dill pickle is on the side.
16. You carry jumper cables in your car. (Ugh, unfortunately)
17. You drink ‘pop’- not soda.
18.. You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.
19. You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, and the Eden’s.
20. You call the interstates ‘expressways.’
21. You refer to anything South of I-80 as ‘Southern or Central Illinois.’
22. You refer to Lake Michigan as ‘The Lake.’
23. You refer to Chicago as ‘The City.’
24. ‘The Super Bowl’ refers to one specific game in January 1986. (Have there been others??)
25. You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers.
26. You buy the ‘Trib’, not the ‘Tribune’ or the ‘Times’, not the ‘Sun Times.’
27. You know that despite being on the lake, there is no such place as the Waterfront.
28. You think 45 degrees is great weather to wash your car.
29. You picnic or ride your bike in the ‘forest preserve’.
30. You cried when Bozo was canceled on WGN.
31. You know what goes on a Chicago style hot dog.
32. You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is. (And, don’t EVEN try to say any other pizza reigns supreme)
33. You know why they call Chicago ‘The Windy City.’ (Hint: it ain’t cuz of the windy-ness)
34. You understand what ‘lake-effect’ means.
35. You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at.
36. You have ridden the ‘L’.
37. You think your next door neighbor is a cousin to Tony Soprano. (Well, I’m pretty sure he is…)
38. You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815.

39.You have, at some time in your life, used your furniture . . . or a friend’s body, to guard your parking spot in winter.  (Ugh, unfortunately…)
40. You respond to the question ‘Where are you from?’ with a ‘side’. Example: ‘Westside,’ ‘Southside’ or ‘North Side’. (Then once honed in on which Side, the question is: “What parish are you from?”  My personal favorite actually said to me: “I’m Jewish, but I’m from St. Denis.”)

(Annnnnd….finally….drum roll…)

41. You know the phone number to ‘Empire Carpet’! (588-2300 EM-PIRE!)

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It Seems All My Wildest Dreams Will Come True…

Mom_and_MoneyYou know, I’ve never considered myself  to be a lucky person. I’m not one of those people who always seems to win things. We all know someone like that and I’m sorry to say that I’ve never been “that guy.” But, it seems my luck has taken a well-deserved u-turn. I recently received an email from AGENT JOHN EDWARD (the caps seemed to be a really important part of his name) informing me of a windfall that fate has blown my way. In a post I published on 5/13/2013, Money Can’t Buy Me Love…But I’m OK With That, I related the exciting news from AGENT JOHN EDWARD who had received notice from the WHITE HOUSE with instructions from Homeland Security (apparently not cap-worthy) for release of $10,000,000,000 (TEN MILLION DOLLARS) to little ol’ me. It was imperative that I  contact him immediately, as it was URGENT. All I needed to do was simply offset the “TAX CLEARANCE LEVY” mandated by the IRS in order to authorize deposit into my bank account. I mean, how lucky can a girl get? Continue reading

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Livin’ The Dream Or Certifiable Nutjob? You Be The Judge…

funny music prof picWell, it’s been a while since I’ve written on this subject. Mainly because I kind of thought I was done with it. I don’t know why I thought that. We all knew from day one, when our son chose music as his college major (or, more accurately, music chose him), that this was an all or nothing academic endeavor. That is, he went in knowing that he would need, at the very least, a Master’s degree, or more likely, a Doctorate, in order to be able to create a fulfilling life in music. People ask me all the time what his plans are when they hear he is a Percussion Performance major. And truthfully, I answer that we’re not one hundred percent sure right now. With an advanced degree, more doors are opened to him. If I tell them what I really think he could do, I get frightened looks from people who have suddenly come to the realization that they are speaking with a deranged, or at least, delusional person. You know the types who are convinced that their high school football playing son is destined for the NFL and you’re thinking to yourself, “Yeah…he’s probably not, so…” Continue reading

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Confessions Of A Salon-Hopper

horrifying_hairdressers_640_11Yes, yes, it’s true. I admit it. I am a salon-hopper. I wonder how many others are like me, hiding this shameful secret. Of course, I imagine many who know me would not be surprised by this revelation, based simply on my lack of hair-chic. I’m not really sure when it all started. I do know that I have yearned to be like other, normal females for a very long time. You know…the kind who have a regular hair stylist to whom they bid their undying loyalty. And visit, without hesitation, every 6 weeks. Or is it 4 weeks? Three weeks?? That’s right: I don’t even know the correct interval of proper hair maintainance. And this is my shame.

I guess my problem is that, as much as I would love to have a really great hair style, I’ve always had a bit of an adventurous streak in me, combined with an aversion to spending a sick amount of money on hair. I can easily go from below shoulder-length too super short without blinking, reassuring the nervous hairdresser that everything will be just fine.  If I feel like a salon is mid-level high-end, that is, a step above the chains, but without the snobbery or intimidation factor of the super-glamorous places,  and offer mid pricing, I feel comfortable walking in, sitting down and saying to the complete stranger grasping the scissors, “Do with me what thou wilt.” or something like that… Continue reading

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Dental Hygienists Take Your Breath Away…Just Agree & Nobody Gets Hurt

Evil dental hygienist pic

Okay, this is my rebuttal to a very funny blog I just read regarding the thought process of a dental patient. Funny thing about blogging, is that after I write one, I always feel pretty good about myself. And then comes the drought, where I start to panic because too much time has passed without a new post. The more I think about needing to write, the less inspired I feel. The stats on my site look like someone has flatlined, leading to more panic and less inspiration. And then…BAM…something falls right into my lap. Hence, the inspiration for today’s blog. Thanks to Sass and Balderdash, a great blog I follow, I couldn’t wait to get to my laptop and respond to her blog, which is posted just before this one.  At first, I was going to leave a comment gushing about how much I enjoyed it, but there was just too much to say, so…here goes my latest post: a point by point response by me (a dental hygienist) to, I think, the inner thoughts of every patient in my chair. Continue reading

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First Blast Of Press Releases…Next Up, Entourage Openings…

Living The Dream Book CoverAuthors Casey Quinn & Petrina Collins Offer Free Sample Chapter Of Their Latest Book

Added: (Sun May 19 2013)

Pressbox (Press Release) – St. Charles, IL May 19, 2013

BookDaily.com is pleased to announce that Casey Quinn and Petrina Collins will be featured on the popular book sampling site, joining the ranks of some of the most famous authors in the world.

As featured authors, a sample chapter of Quinn and Collins’ book is now available to thousands of readers to sample – free of charge.

Casey Quinn and Petrina Collins are now promoting their book, Living The Dream On A Box Wine Budget, a humorous collection of short essays about the foibles of family life, sure to resonate with readers and tickle their funny bones as they nod in relief in the realization that they are NOT alone! The sample chapter featured for visitors to BookDaily recounts the unexpected repercussions of ignoring notices from Animal Control, entitled: Dog Court. You can visit their website at: http://www.boxwinebudget.com.

Submitted by:Marilyn Naughton

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Money Can’t Buy Me Love…But I’m OK With That

money picHave you ever received one of those emails from the son of a Prince or King of some far away province? Usually these poor guys are in some sort of trouble requiring them to flee their homeland at the risk of losing their fortune,  which, naturally, leads them to seek assistance in salvaging their wealth. This most often involves requesting permission to transfer gobs of money into a (your) personal bank account, with the promise of a handsome payout for the abettor (that is, the email recipient…you). I think we’re probably all familiar with these life-changing offers. And, hopefully, we all recognize them for the scams they are.

But, I have some exciting news that makes me think my ship has finally come in. And, no, I didn’t just fall off the…umm…the…I’m thinking it’s some sort of farm vehicle that I just did not fall from. A hay truck? Is that a thing? Anyway, I did not just fall off that thing. No, I know this is for real because my email did not originate from some off-shore royalty, but a real-live government agent. Yes, a United States government agent. I know this, because in the “Sent” column of my email, it clearly states AGENT JOHN EDWARD with the “Subject Line” stating GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY. Yes, in caps. This guy means business and it appears rather urgent that I get back to him. Immediately. So, naturally, I do NOT want to keep him waiting. And, since the message is simply oozing authenticity and is, quite obviously, pressing, I’ve forgiven the frequent typos. I mean the WHITE HOUSE (yes, more caps), Homeland Security, and the  IRS are all involved in this covert operation. This is clearly important stuff.  I’ve included the email for your perusal. This just shows to go ya: sometimes good things DO happen to good people.

So, my dear BWB friends, this may be my swan song to blogging. Oh, I  may, for frolic, pull out my laptop for a post now and then. Maybe just to let you know in what tropical paradise I’m currently sunbathing. And please, don’t hate me for my good fortune. Just keep your eyes open in your Inbox. Your day will come… For now, I must to be on my way. Got a pretty important email to respond to. Note to self: do NOT forget the G11 code. It’s for my own good.

FROM AGENT JOHN EDWARD GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY?.
I received an INTEL MEMO from the WHITE HOUSE in my office today and I must advice you as follows:
1: I received an Intel from our wiretap internet protocol office that my communication with you have been breached by impostors which have prompted immediate action from my side to make sure that this transaction is secured. Today, I issue you this code for communication (G11) which must be contained both in the subject and at the end of any of my email letter to you, This is for your own good.
2: With instruction from the White House and the United states Department of Homeland Security, I am informing you that you due consignment box containing your total payment fund of US$10,000,000.00 (Ten Million United States Dollars) is approved for release and delivery to you as soon as you fulfill all “OBLIGATION” and offset the refundable “TAX CLEARANCE LEVY” mandated by the IRS on all consignment that has been in our vault over 3 months.
Note that as i write you now, your funds contained in your consignment box is presently in our maximum storage vault in Atlanta, GA and will only be marked cleared for release once you fulfill all “OBLIGATION” stated on your release questionnaire by Homeland security.
Once I hear from you, I will instruct further.
Regards,
Agent John Edward

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Living The Dream…

 

Living The Dream Book CoverFirst, let me wish all of our Box Wine Budget friends a Happy Mother’s Day. Now, on to the more important matters of the day…me. I have the perfect gift idea for all of our selfless mothers out there: it’s immediate, inexpensive and will bring a smile to their faces. My BWB partner and I have co-authored a humorous look at family life entitled…you guessed it…Living The Dream On A Box Wine Budget. This blog was actually born from the book. Real stories taken from the pages of our lives will resonate with anyone who has ever parented, been parented or been a member of a family and bring a smile to your face. That should cover just about all of you. We’re confident you’ll either nod your head thinking, “I’m not alone” or recognize the good fortune in your own life as you read the mishaps in ours. Either way, you win.

Some of the topics covered:  Dog Court, pets, allergies, over the top classroom parties and family vacation nightmares. We had a lot of fun writing it and I’m pretty sure we succeeded wildly in embarrassing our children. It’s a quick read and guaranteed to make you chuckle at least once. And, the best part? It’s now available for download on Kindle & Kindle apps for iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, PC, Mac, Blackberry & Android-based devices for only 0.99.  I mean, come ON…it’s 0.99 for goodness sake. Please don’t say you or your beloved mother aren’t worth 0.99. Seriously, do NOT go there. And it’s SO easy to do. Just visit http://www.amazon.com & search:  Living The Dream On A Box Wine Budget by Casey Quinn and Petrina Collins. Yes, those are psuedonyms (writer talk for pen names) and we chose names that were meaningful to us. Try to guess who’s who.

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Have Typewriter…Will Confuse

Church Bulletin Bloopers pic

CHURCH LADIES WITH TYPEWRITERS

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for
church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’  The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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