Dental Hygienists Take Your Breath Away…Just Agree & Nobody Gets Hurt

Evil dental hygienist pic

Okay, this is my rebuttal to a very funny blog I just read regarding the thought process of a dental patient. Funny thing about blogging, is that after I write one, I always feel pretty good about myself. And then comes the drought, where I start to panic because too much time has passed without a new post. The more I think about needing to write, the less inspired I feel. The stats on my site look like someone has flatlined, leading to more panic and less inspiration. And then…BAM…something falls right into my lap. Hence, the inspiration for today’s blog. Thanks to Sass and Balderdash, a great blog I follow, I couldn’t wait to get to my laptop and respond to her blog, which is posted just before this one.  At first, I was going to leave a comment gushing about how much I enjoyed it, but there was just too much to say, so…here goes my latest post: a point by point response by me (a dental hygienist) to, I think, the inner thoughts of every patient in my chair. Continue reading

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First Blast Of Press Releases…Next Up, Entourage Openings…

Living The Dream Book CoverAuthors Casey Quinn & Petrina Collins Offer Free Sample Chapter Of Their Latest Book

Added: (Sun May 19 2013)

Pressbox (Press Release) – St. Charles, IL May 19, 2013

BookDaily.com is pleased to announce that Casey Quinn and Petrina Collins will be featured on the popular book sampling site, joining the ranks of some of the most famous authors in the world.

As featured authors, a sample chapter of Quinn and Collins’ book is now available to thousands of readers to sample – free of charge.

Casey Quinn and Petrina Collins are now promoting their book, Living The Dream On A Box Wine Budget, a humorous collection of short essays about the foibles of family life, sure to resonate with readers and tickle their funny bones as they nod in relief in the realization that they are NOT alone! The sample chapter featured for visitors to BookDaily recounts the unexpected repercussions of ignoring notices from Animal Control, entitled: Dog Court. You can visit their website at: http://www.boxwinebudget.com.

Submitted by:Marilyn Naughton

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Money Can’t Buy Me Love…But I’m OK With That

money picHave you ever received one of those emails from the son of a Prince or King of some far away province? Usually these poor guys are in some sort of trouble requiring them to flee their homeland at the risk of losing their fortune,  which, naturally, leads them to seek assistance in salvaging their wealth. This most often involves requesting permission to transfer gobs of money into a (your) personal bank account, with the promise of a handsome payout for the abettor (that is, the email recipient…you). I think we’re probably all familiar with these life-changing offers. And, hopefully, we all recognize them for the scams they are.

But, I have some exciting news that makes me think my ship has finally come in. And, no, I didn’t just fall off the…umm…the…I’m thinking it’s some sort of farm vehicle that I just did not fall from. A hay truck? Is that a thing? Anyway, I did not just fall off that thing. No, I know this is for real because my email did not originate from some off-shore royalty, but a real-live government agent. Yes, a United States government agent. I know this, because in the “Sent” column of my email, it clearly states AGENT JOHN EDWARD with the “Subject Line” stating GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY. Yes, in caps. This guy means business and it appears rather urgent that I get back to him. Immediately. So, naturally, I do NOT want to keep him waiting. And, since the message is simply oozing authenticity and is, quite obviously, pressing, I’ve forgiven the frequent typos. I mean the WHITE HOUSE (yes, more caps), Homeland Security, and the  IRS are all involved in this covert operation. This is clearly important stuff.  I’ve included the email for your perusal. This just shows to go ya: sometimes good things DO happen to good people.

So, my dear BWB friends, this may be my swan song to blogging. Oh, I  may, for frolic, pull out my laptop for a post now and then. Maybe just to let you know in what tropical paradise I’m currently sunbathing. And please, don’t hate me for my good fortune. Just keep your eyes open in your Inbox. Your day will come… For now, I must to be on my way. Got a pretty important email to respond to. Note to self: do NOT forget the G11 code. It’s for my own good.

FROM AGENT JOHN EDWARD GET BACK TO ME IMMEDIATELY?.
I received an INTEL MEMO from the WHITE HOUSE in my office today and I must advice you as follows:
1: I received an Intel from our wiretap internet protocol office that my communication with you have been breached by impostors which have prompted immediate action from my side to make sure that this transaction is secured. Today, I issue you this code for communication (G11) which must be contained both in the subject and at the end of any of my email letter to you, This is for your own good.
2: With instruction from the White House and the United states Department of Homeland Security, I am informing you that you due consignment box containing your total payment fund of US$10,000,000.00 (Ten Million United States Dollars) is approved for release and delivery to you as soon as you fulfill all “OBLIGATION” and offset the refundable “TAX CLEARANCE LEVY” mandated by the IRS on all consignment that has been in our vault over 3 months.
Note that as i write you now, your funds contained in your consignment box is presently in our maximum storage vault in Atlanta, GA and will only be marked cleared for release once you fulfill all “OBLIGATION” stated on your release questionnaire by Homeland security.
Once I hear from you, I will instruct further.
Regards,
Agent John Edward

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Living The Dream…

 

Living The Dream Book CoverFirst, let me wish all of our Box Wine Budget friends a Happy Mother’s Day. Now, on to the more important matters of the day…me. I have the perfect gift idea for all of our selfless mothers out there: it’s immediate, inexpensive and will bring a smile to their faces. My BWB partner and I have co-authored a humorous look at family life entitled…you guessed it…Living The Dream On A Box Wine Budget. This blog was actually born from the book. Real stories taken from the pages of our lives will resonate with anyone who has ever parented, been parented or been a member of a family and bring a smile to your face. That should cover just about all of you. We’re confident you’ll either nod your head thinking, “I’m not alone” or recognize the good fortune in your own life as you read the mishaps in ours. Either way, you win.

Some of the topics covered:  Dog Court, pets, allergies, over the top classroom parties and family vacation nightmares. We had a lot of fun writing it and I’m pretty sure we succeeded wildly in embarrassing our children. It’s a quick read and guaranteed to make you chuckle at least once. And, the best part? It’s now available for download on Kindle & Kindle apps for iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch, PC, Mac, Blackberry & Android-based devices for only 0.99.  I mean, come ON…it’s 0.99 for goodness sake. Please don’t say you or your beloved mother aren’t worth 0.99. Seriously, do NOT go there. And it’s SO easy to do. Just visit http://www.amazon.com & search:  Living The Dream On A Box Wine Budget by Casey Quinn and Petrina Collins. Yes, those are psuedonyms (writer talk for pen names) and we chose names that were meaningful to us. Try to guess who’s who.

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Have Typewriter…Will Confuse

Church Bulletin Bloopers pic

CHURCH LADIES WITH TYPEWRITERS

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for
church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
————————–

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’  The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

————————–

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
————————– Continue reading

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Have You Ever Had To Make Up Your Mind? And Say Yes To One And Leave The Other Behind?

images

Well, it’s done… We’ve just finalized the decision of where to send our daughter, Mary Kate, to college and I can’t help but think of the line from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, “Is that your final answer?” complete with ominous music playing. The process of choosing a college can be overwhelming, but I have to admit, this time it was absolutely grueling. And, what really kills me is that, upon hearing where she will be enrolling in the fall, I know almost everyone will respond with, “Well, that was a no-brainer. Of course that’s where she’s going.”  They’ll say this because it’s the same school that all three of our sons attended, as well. Yes, that’s right. The original list included becoming: a Huskie, a Leatherneck (I kind of like that one), a Redbird, an Illini and a Hawkeye. And…drum roll please…the final answer?…more drum roll… come this fall, she will officially become a  University of Iowa  Hawkeye. But, the decision was in NO WAY an easy one. Did you notice the capital letters? I hope so because I really meant them. In fact, Mary Kate said she was thinking that maybe she could be the different one in the family and make her own way at a different school. We assured her all along that she should not feel like she HAS to go to, what has become, quite unintentionally, the school of choice for our family. She could do her own thing. But, after an exceedingly agonizing deliberation, she settled on joining the percussion studio at Iowa. With her brother. Continue reading

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What Society Thinks I Do…

I absolutely love the memes depicting “What Society Thinks I Do.” Perhaps you’ve run across some of them. There seems to be one for just about every activity/profession and they are pretty funny. So, I thought I’d compile the ones that fit my family and that of my BWB partner, as well. Feel free to double-click on an image for a closer look. Sidenote: I could not locate a Dental Hygienist, so I went with Dentist, which sums up everything pretty accurately, except the first pic. Also, forgive the haphazard photo placement. It’s as good as I can do without my kids to help me. Enjoy…

DentistAccountant1

Trader

Sales

Filmmaker

Musician

Journalist

Blogger2

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dying on the blue cross

This so perfectly sums up the insanity of insurance/bureaucratic hell…

beth's avatarI didn't have my glasses on....

Imaged

once again, i’ve stumbled into a bureaucratic rabbit hole:

in short, i filled out a ‘healthy incentives’ survey in order to qualify for the most cost effective program offered by my health insurance provider.  somehow it all went wrong at *step 1.

  1. *i filled out the survey 
  2. felt happy that i had completed a horribly tedious piece of paperwork and based upon the results, would easily qualify for the program
  3. got a letter from blue cross
  4. letter said they never received my survey and i was now automatically enrolled in the higher cost plan
  5. i called them (where things got worse)
  6. music i was subjected to while on hold during the experience: smooth jazz, easy listening, elevator cover music
  7. departments i spoke with/was on hold with/opted into with my keyboard pounding : customer service, non-compliance, nursing, engagement center, health resource coordination center
  8. lots of 800 and 888 numbers and…

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A Day In The Life…

two hands inspirational pic 2

I am a dental hygienist by trade. I received my Bachelor of Science in Dental Hygiene from Loyola University of Chicago. Oh, and a Minor in Psychology, too, so…yeah. I’ll allow a few seconds for the inevitable “oooohhhs” from my impressed readers. Continuing….often, people will ask, with a look of distaste, how I can put my hands in people’s mouths for a living. Truth is, usually, it ain’t that bad. Usually. I’m pretty tough. It takes a lot to gross me out. Saliva? Child’s play. Blood? Please. Wanna’ get a little peek into the brain of your hygienist? Here goes: she probably won’t lose sleep over your not flossing every day. She really won’t. Periodontal disease is not what she lives for. Not if she’s normal, that is. What, then, you may ask, keeps her returning day after day? Her patients. I suppose, at this point, I can really only speak for myself. I work in a great office. The staff work well together and I have never seen a doctor who loves her patients (and is so loved in return) as much as she does. And, to be fair, there are a few patients I wouldn’t be heartbroken to learn that they moved far, far away. But, overall, our patient base is great. Every day I look at my next schedule and think, “Yes! Mary is coming in. Or Mark. Or Karen (you know who you are!).

My husband marvels over how emotionally invested I am in my patients. We talk. We confide.  And, well, we just become friends. We laugh like crazy. I’ve cried with them, too. We hug. And somewhere in between, I take care of all that nagging scraping and x-raying that is required for me to collect a paycheck.  So, today, I had one of those great moments. I saw a man almost ninety years of age. He was frail and in a wheelchair. I love this man. He is so gentle and sweet, you just can’t help but love him. He was a soldier in the Army and served in the South Pacific during WWII. He was shot in the leg. Twice. He still owns and wears his original pair of aviator sunglasses. And he is just one of the coolest guys I know. Because of a recent fall, he is confined to a wheelchair. He told me he hopes it’s only for a while, but I think it will most likely be for good. And that made me sad. He was accompanied by his son-in-law, whose compassionate tending to the father of his wife was nothing short of amazing and, quite honestly, very touching. He carried this elderly man out of his chair, transferring him into my chair and back again, all the while encouraging him with, “Come on Bud, we got this.” Old Jake cannot communicate very well anymore. But his eyes speak volumes. They sparkle when he smiles. And he smiles often. As they were leaving the office, his son-in-law told us that they were now going to enjoy beer and hotdogs for lunch together!  Seeing these two men really made my day and I just wanted to share that.

So, when people make faces and ask how I can do the same thing day in and day out, I counter that it’s not the same thing. Every day is different. Every day I look forward to catching up with my patients. I can’t wait to hear what their kids are up to. I love talking to my teenage patients about how their school’s football team went to state or what part they won in the school play or what college they’re thinking about attending, or what they want to major in. That’s the best part of my job. Quite honestly, the part I could do without is the scraping and x-raying. I know I’m not alone in that. But, hey, I gotta make a living. That Minor in Psych probably won’t lead to anything.

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Cellll-A-Brate Good Times…

champagne uncorked picThis week marks the first time, in over twenty-six years, that I’ve experienced no kids in the house. And, let me tell you, it has been  FANTASTIC. I love my kids and all, but, OMG, it’s been SO nice to not have them around. I mean I’ve fantasized about this for many, many years. Yes, many, many. People would tell me, “Oh that’s what you think now, but just wait. You’ll miss your kids. You’ll miss the noise. It will be too quiet.” To which I respond, “Are you on drugs or something?”

It is impossible to be too quiet. In fact, my husband, who is slavishly working at his computer until the wee hours, desperately trying to finish tax returns before the dreaded upcoming deadline, is kind of making too much noise for me. It’s becoming more and more difficult to concentrate on my reality shows when I find myself continually needing to increase the volume of the television to drown out his sighing and moaning.

This small window into Life Without Kids is only temporary, though. My daughter will be returning home in two days from a spring-break trip to Florida. And in a few short weeks, her brother will be moving back home from school for the summer. With all his stuff. Unless, that is, he manages to get a job in Iowa City. I’m working on that now. Those are my babies. I’m working on the assumption that the older ones are gone for good – confident the married one has seen the last of his bedroom in the basement and my number two son might return home after finishing graduate school, but that won’t be for another year or so, according to my calculations. (I can just see him now dry-heaving at the thought)

But, I do see a light at the end of this tunnel when, come next fall, if all goes as planned, everyone will be safely tucked away in some sort of living quarters that is not here with me. The key word in that sentence is “away.”  Apartment… dorm…hostel…public housing…wherever, it won’t be at home. And, then, let the good times roll… But for now, I’ve just received a text requesting that I pay our U-Bill so my boy can continue his college studies without suffering the stigma of restricted privileges. Back to real life…fantasizing about the day my dog no longer lives with me. Another thing I’ve been thinking about for many, many years.

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