Well, today is Friday and already I’m thinking about mass this weekend. For those of you who may not be aware (that is, you non-Catholics out there and Catholics who don’t attend mass regularly – you know who you are), some changes were made recently to the text of the mass. The church has been in a constant state of defending the changes, claiming the new version is much more closely aligned with the orignal Latin text. And, even though my daughter has a very impressive grade in her Latin class (as of the last time I checked), I doubt she is capable of corroborating this line of reasoning. And, I’m not sure how far I would get challenging the changes based on my high school junior’s limited Latin (beyond, “Et tu, Brutus?”)
Tag Archives: humor
And Also With You…DOH!
Filed under Uncategorized
Man’s Best Friend, Mom’s Worst Nightmare
Most horror stories begin very innocently. A good-looking family moves into a charming farmhouse in a bucolic town. The kids excitedly run through the house, each claiming a bedroom. The move itself plays itself out in pure fantasy, as neatly labelled boxes are placed in the appropriate rooms and each member of the clan smiling in their clean, crisply-pressed button-down shirts, casually cuffed at the sleeve. Neighbors, armed with sweet delights and casseroles welcome them to the neighborhood. But, we all know what’s hiding in the dark attic.
Filed under Uncategorized
What To Eat Or Not To Eat…That Is The Lenten Question
This post was written a year ago , on Ash Wednesday. I’m re-posting it today because, 1. it’s Ash Wednesday again (yayy!) and, 2. I’m kinda lazy. I did, however, add a few more thoughts at the end. So, read on…
As we begin the Lenten season, I’m faced once again with the dilemma of what to serve for dinner (oh, and that other thing, what to give up, and don’t just say, “Oh I’ll be nicer to people” – that’s a cop-out, though, admittedly, a nice idea).
Today is Ash Wednesday, which, along with Good Friday, are the two WORST days of Lent. I know, I know. It should be viewed as an opportunity to take a step back from the world by sacrificing in some way, and in doing so, bring us closer to God. Complaining about this Holy Season, it’s really hard to not sound like an irreverent and cynical person – exactly the type that needs Lent. I know. But, seriously, not only is today the official kick-off for this fun season of denial and deprivation, we Catholics also must abstain from meat on Fridays. Every Friday. And, for some reason, that almost always translates into frozen cheese pizza dinners in my house.
And the worst part of Ash Wednesday is that we have to fast, besides. In all fairness, fasting does not mean starvation, but rather, keeping our food intake to a maximum of two small meals (which together, would equal one meal) and one regular meal. So, it’s not really that difficult to abide by. I mean, it’s ONE DAY, for goodness sake (well, actually, counting Good Friday, it’s technically TWO DAYS). It’s just that, when you’re told you cannot have something, you just want it SO badly. Those of you who have ever dieted know what I’m talking about. Suddenly, Corn Flakes smell insanely good. It’s crazy. I’m willing to bet that even the most dedicated vegan, if told he, absolutely, under no circumstances, could not eat meat on Fridays, would find himself obsessing about McRib sandwiches.
But, I do struggle a little with the whole dinner thing. Breakfast is easy – cereal, eggs, toast. Lunch isn’t too hard – cereal, eggs, toast. But, dinner can be a little tricky. For one thing, I think I’d be lynched if I even suggested the breakfast/lunch options. For families like ours, though, which are unapologetically carnivorous (mainly because I don’t know how to make a substantial meal without meat), we’re in a real quandary. My usual meals are: the aforementioned cheese pizza, quiche (cleverly disguised eggs), and…that’s about it. Oh, I guess there’s always meatless spaghetti or frozen vegetable lasagna (Stouffer’s has a great one). So, that’s four meals. Help!! If you have any ideas, I’m all ears. Oh, and we don’t really do fish, so…yeeaaahhhh… no fish, please.
***My additional thoughts, promised in the opening of this post: I love the Gospel reading on Ash Wednesday. It reminds us to keep our sacrifices private. We don’t have to ann0unce to the world how devout we are. We shouldn’t make a show of our “holiness.” We are told to, when giving alms, do not blow a horn on the street. Wash your face, keep your appearance clean. We don’t have to show off about it – God knows our hearts. So, with that, Happy Lent and good luck with the whole food thing.***
Filed under Uncategorized
WE’RE PROUD OF 95% OF OUR GRADUATES
The following is an excerpt from our book, LIVING THE DREAM ON A BOX WINE BUDGET. I was inspired to print it after hearing an interview on the radio this morning with an outraged mother of a student enrolled in a Chicago college prep charter school. She was angry with the school’s disciplinary policies. Her son had racked up dozens of detentions for what she called “benign infractions” (sleeping in class, talking in class, etc) and had to repeat his freshman year. She claimed it is the school’s way of trying to get rid of poorly performing students in an effort to keep its test scores high. Wow, seriously? Read on…
WE’RE PROUD OF 95% OF OUR GRADUATES
AND WHEN THE OTHER 5% GET OUT OF JAIL,
WE’LL BE PROUD OF THEM TOO
My BWB partner and I both sent our sons to a Catholic and Benedictine, all-boy, military academy. Once, when my son, Brian, described his school in that way, the response was “Wow, that’s a lot of discipline.” Precisely. For my family, it was something we’d planned even before the boys were born. My husband graduated from the same school, as did his older brothers and his father. Sending sons to this school is a tradition in many families.
In fact, when we were expecting our first baby, we did what all expectant parents do – we thought about names. Only in our house, I was told that, for boys names, initials had to be considered. Perplexed, it was explained to me that if we had a boy, once he reached high school, he would be required to wear a name tag with his first and middle initial and that some initials invited merciless teasing. So, in my attempt to name our son something he could proudly display on his name tag, which would not result in lifetime of therapy, I had to keep initials in mind. We finally gave up and concluded that boys can be quite creative in the art of nicknames and decided to go with “Michael Patrick” (initials: MP – which, actually, may have helped a little in a military environment).
Filed under Uncategorized
I Know What You Did Last Sunday
Last weekend found my BWB partner and me attending the Mystery Writers of America Convention at the Intercontinental Hotel in Rosemont. It was an impulsive and rather bold move on our part. As budding authors (currently collaborating on a murder mystery with a unique angle), we aspire to hobnob with established authors. My husband was actually the one who saw the newspaper article about the convention, and before we knew it, we were sitting in on some pretty cool lectures. I won’t go into the details of our admission into the convention because it may get us into a bit of trouble with the MWA honchos. But, we got in and that’s really all that matters. Subject closed, so let it go already. Continue reading
Filed under Uncategorized
The Partial Daisy
How hard is too hard to push your kids? Where is the line between letting them just be kids and insisting they be involved in activities? When our oldest son, Mike, was young, we thought it was very important for him to participate in sports. It seemed only natural to sign him up for baseball and soccer every summer, spring and fall. As he grew older, he added basketball to his list. At the same time, my husband and I wanted him to learn piano and drums and play in the school band, so that was just more to add to the calendar. Of course, he also took swimming lessons every summer and attended tennis camps, as well as scouting. He was going to be a well-rounded kid if it killed us.
Filed under Uncategorized
One Of Us…One Of Us…
ATT U-Verse is going to be the end of me. I’m getting the word out now that if I’m found, unresponsive anywhere near the vicinity of my computer, check my pulse, because it’s very possible that U-Verse has killed me. Or caused me to kill myself. Either way, someone contact a lawyer to begin proceedings against the internet component of this bundle. In all fairness, I have no complaint with the cable or home phone service they provide. In fact, I’ll come right out and say that those parts of the package are doing an absolutely fine job. It’s the elusive internet connection that is bringing me to the brink. In fact, as I write this, my computer is telling me that there is no connectivity. I’ve been dumb enough to believe it, but then, on a lark, I ignored the warning and dared to type in a web address, and….what do you know? I’m online! EVEN THOUGH IS STILL SAYS THAT THERE IS NO INTERNET CONNECTION. Scary, right?
Filed under Uncategorized
Truth Now: Is A Sparkly Tiara Too Much?
Help! I need some guidance in Mother-of-the Groom protocol and etiquette! My son and his fiance have set a September wedding date and have been working tirelessly to successfully plan and secure many of the necessary arrangements thus far. I know, even when I planned my wedding twenty-six plus years ago, there were certain things that needed to be tended to immediately. Most notably, the church and the hall. Of course, there really wasn’t much more than that. My dad, who was a Chicago Police Sergeant, knew another copper who dabbled in the bakery business, so the cake was a no-brainer. He also knew another colleague who was an amateur videographer on the side, so that was wrapped up neatly. My brother-in-law’s father managed a country club, and, voila, we had a hall! And, I bought my dress off-the-rack for one hundred twenty-five dollars Everything was so simple then.
Filed under Uncategorized
Coffee, Tea, or Salmonella?
Okay, so I was just going through my pantry in search of some inspiration for dinner in a desperate attempt to find a can of something – anything – that would scream “Make this – it will be DELICIOUS and your family will love you for a few more hours until their next feeding”. I know that probably seems like a lot to ask from a can of green beans or chicken broth, but those of you who are the go-to guys for meals know what I’m talking about. Anyway, as I reached deep, deep into the abyss of the cabinet, I grabbed something I was sure would be a treasure. Something that far back just had to hold promise, I hoped. It turned out to be a can of refried beans which had expired long ago. After an “Eeewww”, I thought, “Hmmm….I wonder if that was the only thing back there past its prime.” Reaching again, I pulled out a can of olives and searched for the elusive date. Interesting…another expired can. Beginning to feel like the people featured on “Hoarders”, who always insist that food well past the stamped deadline is good and DON’T even think about throwing it out because I, I mean they, might want to eat it someday, (not that “Hoarders” is in my auto DVR list or anything), I was suddenly on a mission to rid my pantry from the evils of salmonella, e-coli, trichinosis, tapeworm, Ebola, and every other possible scourge. And, guess what? My pantry is now a whole lot cleaner. In an earlier blog, I spoke of my New Years Resolution to clear clutter from every cabinet, drawer and closet this year. I can scratch this one off the list. And that really feels good. Now, what to make for dinner…
Filed under Uncategorized
In Heaven There Is No Beer
So, was it really asking too much for the Hawkeyes to at least look respectable at the Insight Bowl played in Tempe, AZ? I mean, going in, we all knew it was going to be a tough game for Iowa. Their regular season was pretty dismal and then to be matched up with Oklahoma in a bowl game was guaranteed to end in a blowout, but, gee whiz, it really stinks to be on the losing side.
Continue reading
Filed under Uncategorized
Life on a Box Wine Budget 