Family Vacations…Or How To Destroy Childhood Innocence In One Easy Lesson

This post was actually written by a friend of mine. She shares the hair-raising tale of Robert the Doll. Read on, if you dare…

kids-terrifiedMiriam-Webster defines the word “vacation” as a time of respite.  Jim and I have different definitions.  Well, actually, Jim is right on board with Webster’s definition.  He’s just not so sure we’ve ever accomplished that, probably due to my definition of the word.  I love to be scared.  I love scary movies, ghost stories and haunted houses.

Therefore, when we choose a vacation destination, aside from considering the more conventional tourist attractions – you know, sunny skies, white sand beaches, museums, water parks, historical landmarks, etc. – I always look up local lore and make sure that at least one attraction is guaranteed to result in sleepless nights.   So, naturally, when I planned a family trip to Key West, FL, it seemed, on its surface, to be a perfect spring break get-away.  What I didn’t tell anyone, though, is that Key West is considered to be the most haunted place in the United States.  I really scored big on that one, although it proved to be the last time my family would indulge my disturbing past-time. Continue reading

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The Slippery Slope…Or How I Became A Halloween Scrooge…

HAUNTED HOUSE PICHalloween has always been on of my favorite days of the year. Better than Christmas? I think so. The planning was all-consuming: costume, clandestine meeting place and time, Trick-0r-Treating routes, and, of course, locating an ample-sized pillow case for the anticipated spoils of the night. Paper bags would do in a pinch, if Mom tackled you on your way out the door with a pillow case in hand. In my neighborhood, once you reached a certain grade in school, starting somewhere around 6th grade, store-bought costumes were out of the question. We refused to be humiliated in those plastic molded masks with the small eye-holes, two microscopic punctures for respiration and maybe a slit at the mouth, all held together with that flimsy, ultra-thin elastic band that ALWAYS broke away from the staple holding it securely in place. ALWAYS.  The older kids were so much cooler because they wore the classic stand-by costumes of the Bum – old clothes, a pillow for a belly, and a “beard” crafted from Mom’s make-up bag and, for the girls, a Gypsy – old dress, lots of jewelery with hoop earrings and heavy make-up. Yeah, that’s what the cool kids wore. Continue reading

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A Whiff Of Fumes And…HOARDERS, Here I Come…

Cell phone & camera pics 1041Cell phone & camera pics 1044

Well, the good news is…I’ve discovered that I could never make hoarding a way of life. How did I arrive at this moment of clarity? Pretty easily. I’m living like one now. It’s not the result of an inability to say NO to a garage sale, a President’s Day, Labor Day or Memorial Day mattress sale or the Black Friday allure of saving gobs of money by spending lots of it. I have never been a shopper. I hate shopping. The only way I can be bribed into a day of shopping is if lunch is part of the deal. Even at the grocery store, if my cart is filled to, what I consider maximum capacity, I am absolutely impervious to any marketing blitz with which the store may bombard me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a great deal for the ONE thing I came to the store to purchase (which, of course, is the only item NOT in my cart). I have been known to pass right by the toilet paper, even if we’re down to sharing squares in the house.  So…no…over-buying is not my problem.

My problem is that we are in the midst of a home renovation. It started out as a simple job. We were only planning to open up a couple of entryways. But that led to filling in wood flooring where parts of the walls were removed, which led to repairing said remaining walls and sanding, staining and polyurethaning two entire rooms of wood floors because of a couple repair areas, causing a dangerous amount of fumes to be inhaled by my husband, myself and my dog, who has NO IDEA what the heck has happened to his world. Oh, we’re also painting the entire first floor – walls and woodwork, doors and windows. Pictured above are just a couple of photos of the chaos in which I find myself surrounded.

As a result, there is no rhyme or reason to my house anymore. Furniture has been relocated to EVERY OTHER ROOM in the house. The epiphany of my decline into hoarder-dom happened last night, as I was attempting to navigate my way through the kitchen, into the dining room and finally upstairs to retire for the evening. I found myself feeling my way through the dark, taking extra large steps to avoid stepping on any miscellaneous bits of stuff in the way and practically climbing over furniture. My husband did make sure there was an escape route in the event of a crisis during the night, still requiring us to be extremely nimble to reach safety or for rescuers to find us in the event we failed. Fortunately, no disaster befell us during our slumber, but I awoke this morning thinking that if this project is not completed in the very near future, I might contact the producers of HOARDERS to see if my house would qualify for a sympathetic episode. On second thought, that’s probably just the fumes talking.

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I Got Rhythm, I Got Music…Who Could Ask For Anything More?

baby-singingSo, last night, for some reason, I was feeling a bit wistful. I’m not sure what brought it on, but I started thinking about when my kids were little and the songs I would sing to them. Now that I think about it, the whole episode was probably brought on when I heard an old song on the radio. It was Smile, by Nat King Cole. Lost in the song, I mentioned to my husband that, when our kids were little,  I would sing those lyrics when they were feeling down. It’s a beautiful song and, of course, I know I didn’t come close to doing it justice. But, as I listened to the words, my eyes welled up a little. It was just a moment that came and went and was all but forgotten until a few hours later, when, out of the blue, I, again, began to think back to those days. Memories tend to cloud reality. Raising four kids had its moments of exasperation, to be sure. But, thankfully, God erases the frustration, impatience and noise level of those days leaving the warm and fuzzy memories to cuddle up with.

I LOVE to sing, to which my brood will attest. I subjected my children to many, many songs over the years – everything from sweet lullabies to Irish rebel songs to Gershwin, whether folding laundry, cooking dinner or driving in the car. Probably most irritating to my kids, was my knack for coming up with just the right song to appropriately respond to about any question they had.  That’s not an easy thing to do, and I have to say, I was pretty good at it. When they were young, I can remember calling them Veruca, from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, if they ever whined about wanting something immediately. She was the awful girl who sang, “Don’t care how, I want it NOW!” They really hated that one.

But, I would say, that most of the time, the songs were fun and they loved to join in. One memory that formed a lump in my throat last night, was the song from Winnie The Pooh. We’d be driving along in the car and I’d sing, “Deep in the Hundred Acre Wood, where Christopher Robin plays, you’ll find the enchanted neighborhood of Christopher’s childhood days…..A donkey named Eeyore is his friend. And Kanga” at which point I would peer into the rear view mirror at Brian in his car seat, because he knew that was his cue: “and Litto Woo”

Me: “There’s Rabbit and Piglet…”

Brian: “And there’s Owl.”

Me: “But most of all, Winnie the…”

Brian: “POOH!”

He loved that moment.

In another, slightly more sophisticated example, my sister had once been watching Mike and Brian, and when I returned to pick them up, she told me that she had been singing to herself (must run in the family) while immersed in some housework. The song was It Had To Be You and she had just finished the line, “For nobody else gave me a thrill…” when, in the next room, she heard four-year old Mike finish: “…With all your faults, I love ya still. It had to be you. Wonderful you. It had to be you.” She couldn’t believe it and I said, “Yeah, Mike likes Gershwin.” So funny.

I’m not so sure his admiration for the genius of the Gershwin brothers still ignites him with such passion (well, actually, I AM pretty sure that it DOESN’T), but those days were fun. I do believe, though, that my annoying habit managed to instill an appreciation for good music in all my children. And while I certainly can’t take credit for Peter and Mary Kate’s love for and dedication to music, as they continue in their pursuit of advancing college music degrees, I like to think I played some small role in their recognition and appreciation for the great standards.

I still love to sing and find myself humming a lot at work. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until a patient will ask me, “What are you humming?” and I think, Was I humming?  Most of my patients like it. Most of them… But to the ones who don’t, I say, “Hey, dentistry has made a lot of progress over the years, but we refuse to make it a completely pleasant experience. That’s why we never warm up the water…and why I sing.” Now, just sit back and relax. This won’t hurt a bit…

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You, Too, Can Live The Dream For Free… But Only Today & Tomorrow…

Living The Dream Book CoverWell, today’s the day. What day, you ask? Well, since you asked…today’s the day that our book, Living The Dream On A Box Wine Budget (Casey Quinn, Petrina Collins, Amazon 2011) is being offered for  FREE download on Amazon. That’s right – FREE. Up until today, it was priced at a whopping $2.99. But, as part of a Kindle promotion, it is being offered free of charge for today and tomorrow only. As you can probably tell from the title, it was the seed for our Life On A Box Wine Budget blog and it is a collection of light, humorous essays depicting the absurdities of family life. As is the case with this blog, the stories in our book are taken straight from the actual lives of my BWB partner and myself, telling real stories about raising our kids and the struggle to stay sane through it all. We’re hoping that they will someday forgive us… Continue reading

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A Little Advil For What Ails Ya…

Cell phone pics 832I’m so depressed. Why, you ask? Aren’t you the one who has been drowning in ecstasy upon the realization that your offspring are out of the house?? Hmmm??? Wasn’t that you??? YES, YES that WAS me. I have recently extolled the thrill I get from the freedom to watch what I want to on TV…of utter quiet in the house…of not having to think about dinner EVERY NIGHT… yes…of being an Empty-Nester. I was absolutely gleeful in my post Cellll-A-Brate Good Times… (https://boxwinebudget.com/2013/04/04/cellll-a-brate-good-times/) as I eagerly anticipated a, finally, empty house. I, again, reveled in utter joy when I wrote about moving our baby girl into her college dorm – woo hoo!!! – in a recent post, I Feel Like A Woman…Well, Sort Of… (https://boxwinebudget.com/2013/08/24/i-feel-like-a-woman-well-sort-of/).

Why so gloomy, then? Is it because the quiet house I so desperately longed for is actually TOO quiet? Or maybe the realization that my kids are really gone? And I’m stuck with my husband 24/7? Or, maybe I’m feeling like my role in life is over now. No more kids to raise. Well, the answer to all those questions is NOOOO. Are you CRAZY? It’s not any of those things (although I AM stuck with my husband, but I guess he’s stuck with me too, so…) No, the reason for my emotional bleakness is because it just hit me….I’m NOT alone. And I won’t be alone until a certain geriatric four-legged mass of smelly hair is finally out of my house. Too harsh?? Continue reading

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Is This A Trick Question?

confused-lookOne of the things I forgot to mention in my post from last week about my grueling 4 hours on Jury Duty was when we prospective jurors were being questioned. Each one was asked to individually answer this question: “Do you have a problem judging other people?” As the answers were slowly wending their way toward me, I kept scolding myself to just behave and act natural, because of course the answer that was just dying to be released from my lips was this: “OMG are you KIDDING me ? Judging people is one of my favorite things to do.” Looking back, maybe the fact that the State seemed happy with me, but the Defense excused me from serving isn’t such a mystery after all…

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Nature Would Be Better Without So Much Nature…

Funny insect images2For those readers who may have been worried sick about whether or not I would be able to continue my regular Saturday morning ritual, I thought I should  follow-up with a…ummm… a follow-up.  You’re welcome. As you might recall (I mean it was just seven days ago for goodness sake), my husband and I found ourselves in a terrifying nightmare as a cicada quietly alit on his shirt sleeve while we were minding our own business, enjoying the beautiful day. I tried, in a reasonable manner (although my husband vehemently disagrees on that point) to  gently warn him (again, my depiction of the event is in vigorous opposition to his) of the humongous beast on his arm. Okay, admittedly,  it did involve a lot of screaming and me violently trying to free myself of the seat belt into which I was “safely” strapped. The jury is still out on just how safe the situation was. I was successful, however, in smashing the prehistoric bug with my purse.

Anyway, long story short, we narrowly missed causing a multi-car collision on the road. I may have forgotten to mention that he was driving at the time. I also contend that, due to his response to my response, we narrowly avoided a date in divorce court. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, that these cicadas are evil and have absolutely no regard for the sanctity of marriage OR road safety.

Anyway…back to my follow-up. Today is Saturday and, yes, we made the bold decision to repeat our usual trip for coffee and saunter down the quaint streets of Geneva, IL. We, well…I…decided I was NOT going to let those creepy creatures win. And, while I did keep my eyeballs peeled for their stealthy presence, we managed to survive our daring experiment unscathed.  Well, pretty much. I did have a rather embarrassing confrontation with a bee…

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Horror, Valor…And Hope

Sept 11 plaque

I’ve seen many pictures honoring the brave men and women of 9/11, from the heroic first responders to the average citizens who immediately volunteered their services, but this one is probably my favorite. The other targets of the attacks are sometimes forgotten, but the stories of valor from the ordinary American citizens on those airplanes is truly astonishing and captures the American spirit. I’m proud to say I knew one of those civilians in New York that morning,  who rushed to offer his help where ever it was needed – an eighteen year old young man in his first year at NYU who witnessed the horror at the World Trade Center and, without hesitation, immediately organized fellow students to deliver water and any other need to the authorities. When news of his courageous actions reached home, we were so proud of him.  And, especially meaningful, is that his last name is Hope.  How fitting. We can never forget the tragic loss of innocent life on that horrible day.

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Thanks, But No Thanks…

jury duty picI had jury duty this week. Of course, I was a little put out about it. I feel like I get called frequently, but that’s what everyone says. Maybe it just seems that way. Anyway, as a potential juror, you’re instructed to call a number the weekend prior to your assigned date and listen to a recorded message which lets you know, according to the panel number you’re assigned, if you are needed to show up to the courthouse on Monday morning.  If you are told you are not needed to go to the courthouse on Monday morning, you must call back Monday evening and check if you’re needed on Tuesday morning. Etc, etc… Since the nature of my job is to see appointed patients, I cannot simply call the office on Monday morning and say,”Sorry, I can’t come in today. Looks like you’ll have to reschedule my day. I’ll let you know what tomorrow looks like…tomorrow.” Common courtesy dictates that advance notice is given to change appointments, some of which have been in the schedule for several months.

So, in an, admittedly lame attempt to get advance information, I called the courthouse last week and spoke with a real person asking if there was any way she might know if I would be needed to serve, so I would know whether to have our poor receptionist call and reschedule people (although, in truth, I have to believe that a lot of people must be relieved when the dentist office says, “Hope you’re not too disappointed, but we can’t see you next week.”)  And, I have to say, it was a very nice woman I spoke with who apologetically responded that she could not say with any degree of certainty whether I would be needed or not. She said it looked like I would probably have to at least show up on Monday. At that time, I could explain my situation, in which I might then be placed on a one-day trial. So, feeling like I had no other choice, I went ahead and rescheduled my Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. I left Wednesday afternoon booked because I figured I’d most likely be free to work by then, and if not, would simply reschedule that, as well. I couldn’t stomach blocking out my whole week. Since I am not salaried, if I don’t work, I don’t get paid.

Sunday night rolled along and I made my call, only to be told that I did not have to show up the next day. Well, that was a bust. Too late to call people back. That would really be awful for the patients to first be told,no we can’t see you and then  get a call saying, oh wait, yes we can. So, I had an unexpected day off and tried to be productive. You know…writing blogs and stuff. On Monday night, I made my obligatory call and was told to show up bright and early Tuesday morning. Entering the courthouse, I walked through the  metal detector behind a group that seemed to b e together: two women and a young man of about twenty. Honestly, I’m being kind describing him as a young man. While his age and gender would surely agree with that portrayal, the truth is the kid looked like kind of sad sack. He was short and quite overweight and donned a large cubic zirconia stud in his lobe, which appeared a bit silly. He had the appearance of someone who desperately wanted to fit in…somewhere. After going through security, we were met with a friendly woman directing jurors to follow the hallway to the right. The boy in front of me said in such a sad, pathetic voice, “I wish I was here for jury duty” which the woman returned with a kind smile. Well that sure gave me a little perspective on my plight. As least I was on the right side of the law.

After several hours of waiting, being sworn in, and answering a myriad of questions by the State’s Attorneys, I was accepted for jury duty. Then the defense attorney asked me about three questions, returned to her table and said to the judge, “Your Honor, the defense would like to thank and excuse Juror #77.” What??? That was me. What did I say?? I thought for sure I would be selected. I knew what the case would be. It sounded like it would be a quick and possibly interesting trial. I felt so…so rejected.  Self-consciously, I picked up my purse and walked over to the Baliff who told me to return to the Jury Commission Room – the place where my oddessy began. Upon entering the jury Commission Room, I was directed to the dining room where I was treated to a rather tasty lunch. Eating the sandwich and chips seemed to soothe my hurt feelings.

Checking my voice mail, I learned that the receptionist at my office was frantically trying to reach me, saying, “We don’t know where you are.” How was that possible? It was clearly written on the schedule that I would not be there on Mon, Tues or Wed morning because of jury duty. In her panic, she went ahead and cancelled my afternoon patients. All but the last one at 4:00. I think that’s when I screamed, “Are you KIDDING me???” What the heck? Thank goodness I had a state-provided and paid for lunch to soften my mood. And actually, the joke’s on them, because not only did I get a yummy lunch at their expense without having the burden of sitting on a jury, I’m gonna get ten dollars for my time, to boot. I just hope that check doesn’t bounce like the last time I had jury duty…

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